Boy with Whiskers
by frostberry
Summary: All Sasuke wants to be, is dead. But he keeps getting interrupted.


Boy with Whiskers

Naruto was 8 years old when his family moved over to the other side of Konoha. At first, Minato was quite worried that Naruto's reputation for playing ding dong dash or turning dog's fur different colours with food dye was also around here. But once they moved in, it was evident that no one had come to ask about the little blonde boy that lived on the corner of the street.

Naruto made friends with a neighbourhood boy, Kiba. Kiba was also eight ("_nine, soon!_"), had a little puppy named Akamaru which didn't like the house next to Naruto's, which was a traditional Japanese house with a fence around it high enough so no one could see in or out.

So one night, Kiba, Naruto and Akamaru were playing hide and seek with some boys down the next block. They did this on summer nights because their mothers were sick of them hanging around at night when clearly there weren't going to be raided. After a few turns, all the hiding spots were found so the game was getting easier for them, and getting a bit boring. The last boy was found hiding in an old lady's roses. He was now 'it'.

The boy clamped his hands over his eyes. "ONE!" he shouted. "TWO!" The boys and Akamaru scattered. Some went down the street down to Ichiraku's to hide in the bins, and Naruto, Kiba and Akamaru decided to go the other way. Kiba attempted to open the large red letter box with his fingernails. Obviously it didn't work, because a key was needed. Naruto, watching Kiba curse and kick the box, had an idea.

In which a truly evil plan which will certainly make it impossible to find them; and they would be the winner of hide and seek!

A grin came onto Naruto's face. "Hey, Kiba!"

"What?" Kiba had his skinny arm down the letterbox.

The blonde boy pointed across the street. "They'll never find us in there!" he was pointing over at his neighbour's house with the tall fence.

Kiba went white. "No!"

Naruto frowned. "Why not? Mum and Dad said they never see anyone there, believe it!" He shook his head when Kiba was still looking weary. "Do they have kids! Maybe they want to play, too?"

"Itachi and Sasuke?"

"Oh! Are they twins?" Naruto's eyes lit up at this piece of new information.

The two of them (Akamaru stayed by the letterbox) approached the house. It probably wasn't haunted. Naruto didn't know why Kiba was sweating and why he was deathly afraid of the house and the family in general that lived there.

"They're not twins," said Kiba. "But Itachi is crazy."

When Kiba said crazy, Naruto instantly thought of crazy cat ladies with an obsession with balloons and frilly napkins that sang at night. "And what about the other?" Naruto had already forgotten the name. Oh well. "Is he crazy?"

"Dunno. He's the same age as us."

The gate to the fence was locked (no surprise there). Naruto looked around the fence, looking for a way in. He spotted an abandoned crate and a wheelie bin nearby. Perfect. Ignoring Kiba's complaining, he set up the crate and the bin, and stood on the bin which hopefully the top wouldn't give away, being made out of plastic and all. He peered over and discovered a traditional Japanese garden. There was a large rock which he could hop onto; which he did.

Kiba took a deep breath as he saw Naruto go out of sight.

The first thing he noticed, when he looked around, was a teenager, walking around the house, at the dead of night, holding a flowering can. It was weird, because he had never seen him before, it was dark, and he didn't seem to have noticed a bright blonde boy suddenly appear on his parent's property. As he walked by, water came out of the can, and didn't acknowledge Naruto who was trying his best to hide. Naruto sniffed the air. It smelt like the stuff his Dad put in his car at the petrol station. Ignoring the fact that the teen was a total weirdo, Naruto thought the best idea now was to find the boy who was his age and tell him that he had a crazy brother. Never minding the fact that a blonde kid was creeping around a house looking through windows, of course. Anyone would instantly think he was a robber and Minato and Kushina would have to explain their son's actions to angry neighbours.

He saw a light in a room that had a chair outside of it. He crept up to it, and saw a boy, his age, reading a book. Pfft! Who _reads _books when you were 8? Only girls!

He tapped twice on the window pane. The boy, who supposedly was the sane one (So not Itachi), jumped and his head whipped round. His eyes widened as he saw his blonde neighbour, whom he saw briefly sometimes through a small hole in the fence. Naruto waved, smiling, and Sasuke was about to come over and open the window when Itachi decided to lit his cigarette lighter.

A trial of fire ignited the petrol, and immediately, the roof, the garden, wherever Itachi had been. The house instantly burst into flames and Naruto instantly started to panic as the smoke went into his lungs. Sasuke rushed over to the hallway, completely ignoring the fact there was a boy outside who was trapped between a window and fire.

Without thinking, Naruto picked up a rock and smashed it into the window, climbing over, to find the boy's parents. He remembered what his teacher said at school – _stop, drop, roll – _and crawled on his hands and legs, searching. Smoke everywhere, and Naruto was sure he heard a scream.

The roof started to collapse, a wooden plank narrowly missing his back. Naruto took a deep breath, got up, used his t-shirt to cover his mouth and ran down the hallway.

Naruto couldn't remember how he managed to get the boy out of the house. He was unconscious by the time Naruto had found him, by his parent's side.

Naruto was hydrated and had to go to hospital for smoke inhalation. He never saw the boy again.

* * *

Uchiha Sasuke was a mess. He was sixteen, top of the class – but down inside, there wasn't anything. No fire. That had gone years ago. Itachi was still on the run from the police. There was nothing left inside of him. The only remains on how he felt, came from the almost-healed over scars on his arms and Kakashi making him see a therapist once a month.

One day, after Itachi had came over to taunt him and ran off as soon as Sasuke reached for the phone, he had had enough. That afternoon, he walked calmly into the forest near Kakashi's house, armed with a rope and knife. He walked into the very heart of the forest, where hopefully, no one would find him.

Sasuke was just tying the rope onto the branch when a blonde boy came along. He saw the rope from a long distance away and came over.

"What are you doing!" The blonde boy yelled to him from the ground.

How the fuck did he walk in here while Sasuke was here?

"Piss off." Sasuke growled, armed with a knife.

"ARE YOU TRYING TO KILL YOURSELF!" the boy suddenly shouted at him, looking alarmed.

"I'm making a swing set." _Go away. _

The blonde frowned. "No you aren't. You're going to hang yourself." He tugged at the rope forcefully. Sasuke came crashing down. He pocketed the knife and took down the rope. "We all feel like jumping sometimes. You know a saved someone once? And I couldn't save his parents? I feel like jumping when I think about it."

"Spare me your thoughts." Sasuke snapped, ignoring the pitiful speech the boy had just given. "I don't give a shit, now fuck off."

"Going!"

The blonde had left, leaving nothing for Sasuke to kill himself with.

* * *

_We all feel like jumping sometimes..._

Naruto was now twenty three years old, still in University. He was driving home from a particularly late shift at work. He had no idea what the speed limit was because he had to go this way because of roadworks, but the person in front of him was going a tad too fast. Okay, he was pretty sure the speed limit was at least 80 km/ph but this guy was going _at least _100 km/ph!

It was then; the car in front went over the cliff.

Naruto cursed out loud, slamming the brake on, put his car into park and raced out. The person in the car must have been drunk or something – they plunged right into a dam!

Without thinking, he dived right into the dam – twenty metres straight down. Luckily it wasn't shallow or Naruto would have been dead. He swam over to the car which was floating, water in the car. He took a deep breath as he fiddled around with the door. Surprsingly, the window was down, a man was clearly unconscious inside. He took off the belt, and pulled the man out.

A few days later, Sasuke woke up in hospital. He swore to himself when the Itachi (who was still on the run, but came in anyway) said "a blonde man apparently came in with you in your arms". He was angry that he wasn't dead. Dammit.

* * *

When Sasuke was thirty, he found out that in certain places around the world, they had the death penalty still in place. So he decided to go over to the Sand Country, and (hopefully) get charged with something like sodomy or possession of pot. He figured that also being a gang leader would work, but he decided against it, so he got 3 kilograms of cocaine and put it in his suitcase.

He was convicted of drug trafficking five seconds after the customs dogs started going crazy when he got off the plane.

The lawyer he gained was a blonde man, with the name of Uzumaki Naruto, whom represented Konoha in Sand. Kakashi requested him, and was apparently very good at speaking – in fact, when Naruto met with the Sand judge government, five minutes later, Naruto managed to get Sasuke free.

The whole situation was very bizarre, because he didn't even know the lawyer's name who had granted him parole.

* * *

Sasuke was now old.

It took a few months to process, but he had gotten a gun license. He now had his very own Calibre .22.

Then, he pulled the trigger to his head.

* * *

Sasuke's funeral was very quiet. Kakashi was there. Sakura was there. Sai was there. Not many others, as Sasuke tended to avoid people. He lived a suffering life.

The funeral goers sat on chairs, as the vicar, Uzumaki Naruto, made his way to the front and read from a book.

"We are here today, not to be saddened of this lost of Uchiha Sasuke," Naruto vaguely remembered the name from his younger years, but ignored it. "But to celebrate his life."

Sakura wept into her handkerchief, and Sai pattered her on the back.

"Uchiha Sasuke was born in July, 1934. He had a controversial life, highly intelligent, winning multiple prizes towards different causes, and published a few books on his experiences on suicide called _Boy With Whiskers._ When he was eight, he was saved by a blonde boy when his house was lit on fire. He was also stopped by, apparently the same boy, eight years later, when he tried to hang himself."

More sniffing came from Sakura.

"He tried many ways to cut his life short. In 1957 he managed to get his car to go so fast that he went off a cliff, and was saved. 1964, on purpose, he was caught drug trafficking..."

The vicar stopped, confused for a moment. He scratched his whiskers thoughtfully. "And was saved by a blonde lawyer..."

The crowd didn't know why the vicar had stopped, but they were too busy noticing that the vicar, although was old, had three scars on each cheek, the description from Sasuke's book.

"Then," the vicar kept going, who couldn't believe what was written down on the paper, "Numerous times, he tried to die, but the blonde boy, whom he never knew his name, would stop him."

Naruto looked down at the coffin, where the now familiar face of Uchiha Sasuke lay peacefully.

"So you're the guy, huh?" Naruto muttered. He smiled faintly at the pale face.

Being dead, Sasuke didn't reply.

Naruto kept going on. "Before we keep going, ladies and gentlemen, I would also like to speak about my life..."

* * *

**/end**

This is based on a true story, which in the real story, it was a artist and a monk which crossed eachothers lives. I apologise for making Sasuke an angry suicidal man.


End file.
